Rick and Steven
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: In this crazy multiveres it was bound to happen...Steven is Rick's grandson...how will he and the Crystal gems work together to raise Steven?...well, they won't really...


**Rick and Steven**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Steven is asleep in his bed when Rick stumbles in, obviously really drunk, and turns on the lights.

"Steven! You gotta come on. Jus'... You gotta come with me." Slurred Rick. Steven rubs his eyes "What, Grandpa Rick? What's going on?"

"I got a surprise for you, Steven." Steven looks outside "It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about?"

Rick absentmindedly spills booze on Steven's bed. "Come on, I got a surprise for you." Drags Steven by the ankle out of bed. "Come on,  
hurry up." Rick pulls Steven out of his bedroom and into the garage.

 **"** Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard!" Shouted Steven. "We gotta go, gotta get outta here, come on. Got a surprise for you Steven..."

...

Rick drives his ship through the night sky. Steven looks exhausted. **"** What do you think of this... flying vehicle, Steven? I built it outta stuff I found in the garage."

Steven yawns, "Yeah, Grandpa... I-It's great. Is this the surprise?" "Steven. I had to... I had to do it. I had- I had to- I had to make a bomb, Steven. I had to create a bomb." "What?! A bomb?!"

"We're gonna drop it down there just get a whole fresh start, Steven. Create a whole fresh start." "T-t-that's absolutely crazy!" Shouted Steven

" Come on, Steven. Just take it easy, Steven. It's gonna be good. Right now, I'm gonna beam up your little friend Connie." Says Rick as he pushes a button-

 **ZAP!**

A naked Connie absentmindedly scrubbed soap over her body for a few seconds...and then she realized she was no longer in her shower. "SERIOUSLY!? AGAIN!?" Shouts a mortified and angry Connie as she covers herself.

Rick puts an arm around an embarrassed Steven's shoulders as he covers his eyes. When I drop the bomb you know, I want you to have somebody, you know? I want you to have the thing. I'm gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve, and you're gonna be Adam."

"Ohhh…." Groaned Steven. **"** And Connie's gonna be Eve." "Whhhh-wha?" Shouted Connie "And so that's the surprise, Steven."

"No, you can't! That's not a good surprise!" Shouts Steven as he Shoves Rick away. "But Forget about that, you can't blow up humanity!"

Rick just chuckled as he took another swig of beer "I-I get what you're trying to say, Steven. Listen, I'm not... -spills beer down his shirt- You don't got… Y-You don't gotta worry about me trying to fool around with Connie or mess around with Connie or anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Steven."

"What are you talking about, grandpa?" Asked Steven cautiously.

Rick: You- you don't have to worry about me getting with Connie or anything. She- sh-she- she, she, she's all for you, Steven." Connie, meanwhile is too busy vomiting to really add anything to the conversation.

Steven's blush can be seen from space "This-this isn't about Connie! Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou— " You know what, Steven? You're right. -throws empty bottle into the backseat- Let's forget the girl all together. She, she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways."

"I'm standing right here!...naked!" Shouted an annoyed Connie as Rick presses a button. "Arming neutrino bomb." Says a robotic voice.

Steven unbuckles. "That's it… that's it, Rick. I'm taking the wheel." Steven and Connie jumps up on Rick and starts fighting with him over control of the wheel.

"Get off of me, Steven!" Shouts Rick. "I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy! Shouts Connie as she and Steven start kicking at his face while grabbing the wheel. "I'm put—I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm puttin'… I-I'm, I'm- Were not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb- dumb person! and just le-let you ruin the whole world!" Both kids shouted incoherently at once, trying to finish each others threats...and failing miserably.

Rick naturally fights back. "Come on! What's gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don't you marry it?" -pushes Connie off of him- "What are you, crazy? Alright, Alright, Guys!"" Rick manages to push Steven off of him. Steven glares at him, furious.

"Alright. I'll- I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I'll land the thing. Big tough guy and girl all of a sudden."

Rick lands the cruiser in an open desert. He opens the door and tumbles out among dozens of empty alcohol cans and bottles. **"** We'll park it right here, kids. Right here on the side of the ree… road here." "Oh, thank Glob." Said Connie happily as she was back on solid ground

"You know what? That was all a test, Steven. Just an elaborate test to make you and Connie more assertive." "It was?" Asked Steven amazed, while Connie just face-palms over her friends gullibility.

Rick shrugs. "Sure. Why not? I don't, I don't know. Y-you know what, Mo- Rick falls asleep and begins snoring. The ship began to glow "Neutrino bomb armed and counting down to detonation."

Steven paled. "Um..."

Connie just glared, "Steven, I don't think I need to tell you I'm getting REALLY annoyed with almost dying buck-naked in the middle of nowhere...again."

Steven sighed resigned, "I know Connie...I know..."

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


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